If you knew something was your last, wouldn't you make the most of it?

Ask any one of my friends, and they'll tell you that I'm a sentimental person. 

I have been forever, and I just can't help it. It's built into me. I mean, I won't even let my dad get rid of his '88 Chevy, because I'm so attached to it. It's like a part of my dad. Except for it's really not, and that's something that I forget to factor in. 

I'm also really sentimental about all of my firsts and my last's. I think that's a big reason why photography has become such a huge part of my life. Photographs give you an opportunity to look back on important events. They help you remember things that you otherwise wouldn't have, and they create an archive for future generations to also have the opportunity to be a part of those special moments in our lives. Photographs give you the opportunity to re-live a moment in time.

I've come to realize that the next few holidays might be the last that I get to spend with my Grandma. They'll definitely be the last holidays that I get to live with her during, and that's sort of a big deal to me. I know that the next few months will be some of the last opportunities that I have to make memories with her, and I'm determined to make them meaningful and special. I mean... It's mid September, and I've already decorated for Halloween. I'm gonna milk all that I can out of this. 

My recent epiphany about my Grandma has had me thinking a lot about how I've been living my life. I've genuinely realized that every single moment of our lives is a gift, and it's up to us how we use those gifts. Too often I get caught up in things that I feel compelled to do. I have the hardest time saying no to things that I really don't want to do, and sometimes I say no to things that I do want to do for stupid reasons, like money, time, hard work, etc.

Now, I'm really lucky. I know that these next few holidays will potentially be my last with my Grandma, and I know that it's going to be important to me, and her, to make them special. But more often than not, this isn't the case. We don't know if an event, a day, a week, will be our very last. Life is so fragile, and we just never know what The Lord has planned for us. I'm not going to tell you that because of my recent thought process, I'm going to start living every single moment of my life like it's my last. That's just not even realistic, because I know that it more than likely won't be my last. I will tell you though, that I'm going to start thinking differently about the things I say, how I treat people, and how I act, and it will definitely be a huge factor in my decision making process. I also hope that this will help me realize what I really want out of life, and what's truly important to me.

I look back on the very first college-hating posts that I made on this blog, and I just can't help but laugh at how stupid I was. It also makes me a little sad. The first couple of years of college were probably the worst of my life so far. I just wish that I would have valued that time more, and looked for the positive things rather than the negative. I also wish that I would have at least tried to enjoy those experiences.

Changing my major to Art was the best decision that I've made in life so far. You wanna know why? Because it was for me. It wasn't something that I was pressured into. It wasn't something that I did because I thought it would make me the most money in the long run (goodness knows that certainly wasn't it). But I did it because I knew it was something that would make me happy. To be really honest with you, I attribute a lot of the person that I am today to that rash decision that I made almost two years ago. It's changed me so much, and for the better.  

I've realized that the big decisions that we make in life should be made as if they are our last and maybe more importantly, how we live our life should reflect on how we want to live our last moments. I really hope that I can keep this in mind as my next few big decisions come my way. I hope that I can start doing things, not because I feel obligated to do so, but because it's what I want, and it'll make me happy in life. I want to escape life with the least amount of regrets possible.

I know this sounds like a line from a cheesy Tim McGraw song, but If you knew something was your last, wouldn't you try and make the most of it? 

I hope that I do.

The "Feel-Goods". Lolz.

I've always had this image in my head about what it would be like to fall in love, and I won't lie, it looks quite similar to the scene above. Call me a pessimist, but I think that watching Disney Movies and a child sort of wrecked me for the real world.

I'm not really one to talk about all of this "love crap" that's what we're going to refer to it as for the sake of this nonsensical post. At least, I'm not one to talk about it unless you are one of my close friends (this means Maddie and Mikale lolz), and even then I don't really think it's love-talk, because I mostly just crush on 20 different boys every week. But it has just seemed to become a frequent theme in my life as of late. It might be attributed to the constant Marriage-Talk during Singles Ward, but it also might not. 

I've sort of realized that this love stuff might be a little more plain and simple than it's played out to be by our friend Walt. Now, don't get me wrong... I know that there are plenty of complicated factors which are also involved, awkwardness, age, location... to name a few, but I think when it boils down to it, it's as simple as you make it. 

So I've never been "in-love" with someone, mostly because it hasn't been convenient, or it hasn't worked out, or my favorite, and probably the most truthful excuse because I'm way too darn scared to admit that I have the "feel-goods" for someone. But I've had a lot of practice observing the love stuffs. And from my careful, thoughtful observation it seems like it just sort of happens, in the end. Which is cool, yeah? I mean... it doesn't always work out. Sometimes it's not meant to. And yeah, sometimes people work super hard to fall in love, or you know, convince someone else to fall in ♥ with them too? I think that happens sometimes. But I think maybe some of the coolest relationships that I've encountered just happen.

I'm not sure what I just did, but I think I just convinced myself that Disney Movies might actually be right. K, this was not planned, people. Maybe it is sort of meant-to-be kind of stuff. Maybe that's why it just happens. You know, like in Disney Movies. But you know, here's another confusing point to make... in most Disney Movies there's only one boy, and one girl, and that's just not really how it is in the real world. We have choices and that's maybe the best, and maybe also the suckiest part.

Well, in the end I guess the only people we have to count on to make sure that stuff ends up okay is The Lord, and ourselves. I'm not really sure what to think of all of this yet, but maybe eventually I will. And I know that I won't be able to figure it out without my Savior. I guess maybe that's why I'm not worried so much. I know he's got my back.

Well, I'm not really quite sure what happened here, and I'm not really quite sure what the meaning of this was. I think I wanted to get some stuff down, sort it out, and clear my head a little, but I think maybe I just confused myself even more about my current situations. 

Maybe another conclusion is that Love is also super confusing.

I think that's the most accurate one.

#Single5Ever

Things are not as they seem.

I think JD said it right. I think I'm past the point of complaining about how much less-cool college is than high school was. I've moved on from a lot of habits, experiences, and people, and it was well over-due. This semester I was forced to pick an educational path and follow it, and I couldn't be more happy with my choice. I went into this semester thinking that it was going to be the easiest piece of cake that I would ever put on my plate, but boy-oh-boy was I wrong. I had no clue how difficult art actually is. I had this huge mental breakdown the first week of school over a painting of a watch. Tears were involved. I'm actually really glad that it's hard though. I love a good challenge, and I can't stand to be bored, so it's for the better.

Also, can I tell you this weird thing that's happening to me? It is mentally impossible for me to currently procrastinate projects. Say what? I know, it's kind of awesome. I literally got so excited about an art assignment last week, that I had it finished before the day that we were even supposed to start it. Now, it wasn't a photography project, because naturally I get those done asap because I get so flipping stoked about them, but I was genuinely excited to draw this picture, or whatever it was. In retrospect, I'm stoked about the fact that I'm so stoked about art. I think it kind of solidifies that I'm doing the right thing, don't you think?

I think there might have been some people disappointed in me for changing my mind on what I thought I wanted to do with my life, and I was really worried about that for a good few months. Like, I was so pathetic. I wouldn't let my parents talk about me changing my major, because I was afraid of what people might think. But you know what I've realized? If I had stayed down the path that I was originally headed, I would be disappointed in myself for not doing what I've kind of always knew I should be doing. I've realized that no one's opinion matters to me about this choice more than my own, and that's exactly how it should be.

I guess the point of this all is to say to someone, or maybe more importantly to myself that everything is finally falling into place as it should be. I think I've finally found the part of college that everyone talks about. The part where you figure out who you are, and what you're meant to do, and you end up loving it. I've found the part of college that puts high school to shame! I'm finally giving myself the opportunity to be serious about something that I am so passionate about; and I'm super proud of myself, because after all of the hard work that I've done to put myself through school, and keep my scholarships, I deserve to do something that I love.

I can't wait to see what lies ahead. 

xoxo. 

So, College Really Isn't All That Bad.

(Sorry in advance... I don't have a photo depicting how great college is, so you get this photo of Maddie jumping on a couch in the desert. You're welcome.)

I feel like this whole blog has become an I-hate-college blog.

Well, I am here to tell you that it just isn't so.

(Fair Warning: When I say "College" I really mean College life... like I have stated before College, much like High School, is a state of mind for me. Social, Family, Work, School... everything is included.) 

I'll be the first to admit that the fact that approx. 95% of my friends are gone is a bummer. In fact I probably was the first, and the second, and the third (etc.) to admit it. I constantly complain about it... but the last couple of semesters have helped me realize that even though some of my friends were gone, all of my best friends are still here. The 5% of us who didn't go on missions are a pretty close group. In fact, some of the people that I went to high school with, but wasn't necessarily friends with, have become my friends, and it's great!

Secondly, I recently switched my Major to Photography and Design. I'm planning on getting my Bachelor's Degree in Photography, and then coming back for an additional two years to get my second associates as a Radiography Technician. The photography and art classes that I've been taking are so boss it's unreal! For example, I thought that I knew pretty much all there was to know about my camera. I mean I practically live on the dang thing, so I should right? I was wrong. Though a lot of the things that we learn in Beginning Digital are VERY basic, some of the stuff is actually quite interesting to me. I'm learning a lot of things that I never even knew existed. 

I'm also taking Film II for a second time, and I'm loving that class even more the second time around too. I absolutely love the teacher of the class, and I love the satisfaction that I get from taking a great film photo. Everything about film photography is so difficult. It's hard to expose right, to develop the film right, to develop a page right... there are so many factors, many of them chemical and it's hard to get them all right! Which is why it is so rewarding when you do get it right.

Be Glad At Life.

Okay, so now I want to switch gears a little bit...

I don't remember writing about it, but last semester I decided that I was going to finish the Book of Mormon, cover to cover. I was so sick of being so lonely, depressed, and confused about what I was doing. The night before Fall Semester started I think that I truly hit rock bottom. I was so discouraged about my social life, and my family life that in all honestly the only thing I had going for me were my grades. I knew that I needed something to help me through the semester, and since I had never fully read the good book, I decided it was time. Every single day of Fall Semester I read four pages of the Book of Mormon. I finally finished a few days before New Years. 

Now, I know that that last paragraph didn't really seem like it supports my topic of how great college is, but in reality it's just the opposite. Because I was so lost, I was directed to the Book of Mormon. Reading every word of it really changed my life. I now have a true testimony of the Book, and if it weren't for College... I wouldn't have that. I know it sounds really bad, but it's one of those situations that it took a trial to turn me to the Lord.

Case number two, the beginning of this semester sucked. (I don't know what it is about semester beginnings, but they always seem to be life-changing events.) I was, again, so depressed and I felt myself getting so agitated and annoyed at the people around me. It didn't matter who they were, or what they did, it made me mad. It was the worst! One night on my way home, I just broke down. I think that I prayed the best, most sincere, and most life changing prayer ever. My mindset about life was completely altered that night. The previous week had been one of the worst weeks of my life, and the following week turned out to be one of the best.

This is where "Be Glad at Life" comes into play... Sometimes you just have to take ten seconds, breathe, and let everything go. My yoga teacher (Yeah. This hick girl is taking a yoga class and she loves it.) said that what you think about, is what will come about. For example, if you think that you're going to get a crappy grade in a class, then that's probably what's going to happen; however, if you have faith in yourself, and just trust (in the Lord) that things will work themselves out, because you did your best, then chances are they will be. 

Okay... so here comes the finale of another one of my successfully random rants about what's going on currently in my life. Hopefully I got some sort of point across, and hopefully these words will be able to uplift someone out there.

Moral of the story is, life is what you make of it. So make it a good.

For more uplifting information about making the best out of life, visit the link below!

Come What May And Love It - Joseph B. Wirthlin

xoxo 

Grateful.

Things that, in the past, seemed impossible are happening in my life right now.

I can't help but look at the things coming to pass as miracles in my life. I am so blessed, and I am so grateful for everything that the Lord has helped me to work for. I'm so grateful for the strong relationships that I've been able to create with my family, and my friends. 

I think there's just something about November that makes us all realize how truly lucky we are. A couple of weeks ago in nutrition we were talking about third world countries where 18-month-old babies live on the street and fend for themselves because their mother passed away from AIDS or some other terrible disease, or even in giving birth to them. My heart aches for people in situations such as this, and I cannot help but feel selfish for complaining, and worrying about the petty things that I feel are challenges in my life.

 Although I can't help but feel that my problems are so miniscule, and that others are so worse off than me because I truly am the luckiest girl in the world. I do know that the Lord cares about every single person's problems, and even more importantly he cares about our individual feelings. This has been such a comfort in my life, especially in the past few weeks.

 Lately (more like my whole life) I've been so stressed out about getting into the classes that I want and getting my Associates, and getting into my impossible-seeming program. I know that the Lord cares about my education because I care about my education and I'm so grateful for that knowledge.

Every time that something goes wrong in my life the Lord also presents me with a new, amazing opportunity. Most of the time it's something that I've never even thought about before. I'm such a spontaneous person, so I totally understand why these opportunities are so off-the-wall. Haha. But either way, planned or not planned, I'm grateful for all of the opportunities that the Lord has blessed me with, and I'm grateful that he's helped me work hard to achieve everything that I've wanted to achieve up to this point.

I'm so eternally grateful for the parents that I was given. My dad is my literal hero. He is a walking encyclopedia of both secular, and spiritual knowledge. My family always jokes that because my dad never had a son, he had to do his best to work with me. I don't even care though! I'm grateful that he teaches me everything that he knows. I cannot wait for the day that something goes wrong with my car, and I don't have to call my dad to help me fix it. I want to learn all that I can from him so that I can pass on that knowledge to my children. My dad is the ultimate man, and I know that I'll marry someone who is just like him. 

I'm grateful for my mom too! She's always willing to help out, and she loves to try new things with me. She always pushes me to do my best and I would not be the organization-freak that I am today without her influence on my life. 

I'm super grateful for my friends. Even though I feel like I spend practically no time with them, they are the hugest blessing in my life. I'm so lucky to have friends who uplift me, and are great examples. I hope that one day I can be as great of an example to them as they are to me, because they are stellar. 

Strange as it may sound, I'm so, so thankful for the Word of Wisdom. I've literally tried to talk myself into bearing my testimony about it like the past two times in sacrament meeting, but I haven't been able to work up the courage. I'm so passionate about the Word of Wisdom, and I can testify to you that it's true doctrine from God. Because I've been learning about the body, and how things work, and what things do, I've gained so much knowledge about how harmful things such as alcohol, drugs, caffeine, and a non-nutrient-dense diet are to your body. One of my close, close friends just passed away from cirrhosis of the liver because of over-consumption of alcohol.

Putting the loss of my loved one aside, the Word of Wisdom is completely necessary for a healthy, happy, spiritually sound life. There are so many fragile things in the body, and it's amazing that humans can live as long as we can. When you think about it, there are people born with aneurisms that live into their 70's! Our bodies are fragile enough without adding on the stress of harmful substances. I'm so grateful for the Word of Wisdom, and I'm grateful that I have such a willingness to say no when I'm offered or tempted with alcohol and other damaging things. And trust me I have been.

I'm grateful to know that I'm never alone. I've felt super lonely lately... I drive alone, I cook alone, and I think that I talk to people in maybe 3 out of my 7 classes. I hardly ever see my family, and It's a rare, weekend-only occasion when I see my friends. I'm grateful for the knowledge though that I'm never alone in anything, and company is just a knee away.

I could literally go on and on about the things that I'm grateful for, but the bottom line is that I'm lucky. I'm lucky to have such an amazing life, and I have nothing to complain about. Life is good, and I can't wait for my next adventure whatever it may be.

P.S. Everything happens for a reason, and the Lord won't leave you hanging. Promise.

Unbelievable

Let's keep this short and sweet and get to the music. I've been traveling in a car for the past eight hours, which gave me plenty of time to reassess my top ten favorite songs. In no particular order... I give you ten of the best songs on my iPod.

P.S. I am not responsible for all of the crappy non-music-videos. They were all I could find, and hey, I'm just trying to provide you good music... not watching entertainment. ;)

Prehistoric - Now, Now

:: Okay, so I am in love with this song not only because it's melody embodies that high-school love story that every girl secretly wishes for, but because it's one of those songs that you don't need to understand to love. Trust me, I would know. I've read through the lyrics of this song at least a dozen times, and I still don't get it, however it's one of the songs I listen to every time I get in the car.

Look After You - The Fray

:: I'm completely obsessed with the Fray. I have just about every track that they've made, and I can sing all of them word for word (in the car while I'm by myself and at no other time.) This is without a doubt my favorite "Fray Song". I love it because... I mean, let's get real... is this not the epitome of what everyone wants out of a relationship? Someone to look after them, and take care of them, and someone that they can do that for.

.

 Even If It Breaks Your Heart - Eli Young Band

:: So you knew a country song was coming, because I'm a wannabe country girl. I love this song, because it's not about being in love. Okay, well it is... but it's about being in love with what you're passionate about. This song basically tells you to screw all of your doubts, and keep on going for what you want, "even if it breaks your heart", because if you don't... guarantee that you'll regret it.

The A Team - Ed Sheeran

::  Okay guys, come on. Try and tell me that you don't love this song too. When Mikale first made me listen to this song, I was so clueless. Then she explained to me what it was about, and I fell in love. I think that this is one of those songs that can change a persons life. It's so sad, and true, and eye-opening.

 Tiptoe - Imagine Dragons

::This song alone makes me regret not going to any of the Imagine Dragons concerts at GoGo while they were still a small indie band. This is one of my power songs! This is secretly how I want to be in life. I wouldn't be mad being that underestimated girl who makes her way to the top and nobody expects it. After all, "nobody else can take me higher" but myself.

Midnight City - M83

:: This song is one of those instant head-bangers. I listen to this just about every time I'm on the freeway, and I just want to rev up to 100. It's another one of my power songs. I'm a little obsessed with the transition from the bridge to the main melody too. Listen to it. How can you not just want to jump up and dance at that part?

Ohio - Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young

:: I think that this song has a great feel to it. I'm also a huge fan that it's a song about an actual historic event. It's like subliminal historical messaging haha.

DONE. - The Band Perry

:: This song is so angsty, and powerful! There are a few people in my life that I can apply it to as well. It's a song that can be applied to so many different situations, because it's so gender inspecific! It's a great song to listen (and sing (yell) ) to when you're angry at someone, and trust me I've used it many-a-time.

I Don't Trust Myself (With Loving You) - John Mayer

:: This is one of those songs you can just sink into. I'm usually not a fan of this smooth-jazz-like music, but this one is irresistible. I'm pretty sure that John is a Music God, because he has the voice of a raspy angel. This song is like, hey, I don't trust myself with loving you, but I'm probably gonna do it anyway so deal. FINE.

P.s. Note that this song is at least 200x better as the "Live in Los Angeles" track, and in my opinion the only way to listen to it.

Slow Dancing in a Burning Room - John Mayer

:: This may or may not be my all time favorite song ever. Even the title is dreamy. John Mayer just has a way with words, and it's no wonder that he's won so many music awards. Listening to his music is like being brain washed, but in a good way. He can take all of my worries away

 P.s. Same applies to this song as the last... "Live in Los Angeles" is the only way to go. In fact, while you're at it just buy yourself the whole CD because it's so worth it. I've had it for years and I've probably listened to the whole thing over 100 times. Not exaggerating on that one.

Item Twenty.

(Here is a picture from high school for full effect)

 

20. Memories of the time that you label “the best time of your life,” which makes you consciously feel as though everything else you do won’t compare or will just be part of an overall downward slope.

I recently read an article that one of my facebook friends posted to her wall. It had a list of 25 things that you keep in your life that are only holding you back. Naturally I was intrigued by the title so I decided to give it a look. Now, granted at least 7 of the items on the list didn't apply to me at all, but as I read down the list I saw one that did.

 Number Twenty. 

It talks about labeling memories from the past as "the best time of your life" which makes all of your future memories less than that. If you know me at all, or have read anything else on this blog you can obviously assess that I was, and still partially am obsessed with my high school years. I seriously would go back; but number twenty made me realize that I can't think of it as the best time of my life, because my life isn't over yet. I have so much more to look forward to, and if I keep looking back, I'm going to miss what's happening in the present.

This was truly something that I had never thought about before, and it really opened my eyes. Lately I've been so pessimistic about everything, because even though I'm trying my hardest, it seems like it's never enough. Now I'm not going to go all psychologist on myself (mostly because I'm in Psych1010 right now and I flipping don't understand it) and say that all of my feelings can be attributed to the fact that I miss high school or anything, but I will say that maybe if I had a different outlook on life, and I started to look forward to things that are going to happen in the future, and even things happening now that my life might be a little bit better. Even if my life isn't a little bit better, I'm sure my attitude would be. 

Now I'm in no way saying that reminiscing is a bad thing because it totally isn't, but it can become a problem if you start to compare every situation that happens in your life to the "best times" of your past.

Everything happens for a reason.

Things will turn out as they should, and chances are that when you look back, things won't be as big of a deal as you initially thought them to be.

I bet you can even find something good that comes out of them.

P.S. Here are those 25 things. Maybe you can find a few to get rid of.

25 Things You Keep In Your Life That Are Only Holding You Back